Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
