garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
