Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
