Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
