I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
