My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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