bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
