Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
