Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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