He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
