I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
