Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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