I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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