I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
