there's paper in my vomit.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
