The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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