I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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