I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
