If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
