I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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