Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
