ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
