i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
