I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
