I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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