Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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