do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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