He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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