I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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