I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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