why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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