I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
