I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
