Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
