he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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