so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think a kid would responsible me up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
