Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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