so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A bitchslap is in order.
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