am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
