I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
