I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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