Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
