My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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