Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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