im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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