her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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