don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
