Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
