Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
