Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
