Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
