I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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