Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
