Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
