I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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