My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize