Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
