How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
