I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
