turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
