Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
