I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
