He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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