I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
