Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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