The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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