Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
