about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
