i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
