Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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