Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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