Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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