Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
